What To Do Now?

This began as just one of my journal entries. I have been journaling since I first became pregnant with our daughter Morgan. It began as a journal to my unborn child, then over the years I began to journal prayers, thoughts, feelings, things that God was showing me and then Bill and I spent a year journaling to one another. So today as God was showing me things I got my journal out and began this journal entry thinking that it would be for my eyes only but as I was writing I felt as though God was telling me that someone else needs this at this point in their life as well. So here is my entry for today.

Time sure flies by and its been awhile since I've journaled my thoughts and feelings. Alot has happened besides the fact that we are getting older day by day. The world is changing as we know it, I see more and more evidence of Christ's return for the final battle. I often wonder....am I ready? Am I really ready? Am I doing everything the Lord is calling me to do~sadly the answer today would be~NO. I feel as though this illness has placed a yoke around my neck~my heart desires to serve but the body is weak. I know that by stepping out in faith that God would provide the strength that I need~what am I afraid of? Am I afraid that He will ask me to do something outside of my strength and my abilities....of course....isn't that what we're all afraid of?

Even as I write God reminds me of his promise in Isaiah 40:29 "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak even youth grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Then I see him tell me in Isaiah 41:10 "I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." I then wonder how to get to that place where God wants me and then I hear Isaiah 45 "I will go before you and will level the mountains, I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places so that you may know that I AM THE LORD the God of Israel who summons you by name." Who summons (calls) me by name...God says "don't worry about how your going to get there-just trust me that I am going before you to prepare the way." So for now I wait-not really knowing what to do...but trusting that God knows and when he is ready he will reveal his plan to me.

Are You Living in Fear?

I don't find it ironic that "Fear" is mentioned 365 times in scripture. I believe that God knew that it would be in our very nature to "fear" so he re-iterated time and time again "to not be afraid-to not fear." So much of our life are new experiences from day to day. It's easy to look ahead and have fear over the unknown. But I find that through scripture I can find peace in whatever this world is throwing at me. Peace in place of fear! I remember at the beginning of my illness I lived with a great deal of fear....fear of not knowing whether all that I was losing would ever come back but as time has drawn on and I've battled this obstacle in life I have learned that this too will pass and though the days may have setbacks or bad days that there is always hope in tomorrow.

On another note I have been wandering alot lately about those that are unsaved and have no faith or no beliefs. I wander if "fear" is what keeps them from surrendering to God's calling and laying down their "fear" of losing control over their life and letting God be in control for awhile. I guess I hadn't thought of this before....but none of us want our lives to be out of our control but yet as a Christ-follower we honestly are not the ones in control of our lives. We have surrendered that to God, we've trusted that He knows better than I what is good for my life and He will allow some hard days and some hard years so that I don't forget that he is the one in control and I.....well I'm supposed to just sit back and listen to his guidance and be obedient to what He is asking me to do. Fear sometimes obscures our vision, it obscures our total reliance on God not on our own mortal selves. So I am going to focus this next year on not living in fear of what God is allowing or doing in my life and learn to embrace it for what it is.