Ticked Off!!

Ok, gonna write despite the fact that I can't get the picture uploaded that I wanted for this blog. It's 1 o'clock in the morning and sleep eludes me once again. It seems that Lyme has its own sleep clock and everything you get to accomplish for the day is based around its time. Yeah, I know I'm writing this in green....for those of you that don't know green is for Lyme Awareness . Yeah there really is something called Lyme Awarenes you see it seems this so callled easy to treat disease has provoked enough frustration in enough people that there had become more and more advocates to teach you about the saftey of not ever having to live through this nightmare. I hadn't told many of my friends much about Lyme because it really is dehumanizing what it does to the human body and the friend they once knew. I very seldom get out of my house anymore as many of you know. There is nothing worse that getting into Walmart-not knowing why you're there, what your there for and then running into familiar faces with this lost and panicky look in your eyes. My friend kinda chuckled at me this week....she said she is going to get me a bracelet that says if she gets lost pleaee call this number. I had to laugh....but really in my mind was thinking HEY I'll TAKE ONE!! You see with lyme it does these funny things with your mind.......it overtakes it!!! You can be driving along having the greatest of days one minute and within a blink of an eye you can be dizzy, disoriented, nauseated and completely petrified that you'll never find your way back home or better yet....back to the old you. I knew little about Lyme before I contracted it. I was like most people. I thought one simple antibiotic and life would return to normal.....boy was alot of us sure wrong. Lyme leaves you with a new surprise every morning and sometimes within minutes to hours. Thank God I have this dear and very attentive husband as we went to the farmers market with David, Heidi and the kids and the place was packed with people, music, tent and vendors. Somthing I used to love....when all of a sudden I felt the warmness of Bill's hand slip into mind and I said to him "you could tell I was getting dizzy an disoriented couldn't you" he simply gave a nod and led me along our way. Its hard to explain to complete strangers even close friends how your body feels. Its truly embarrassing to say that I can't drive there or explain why all of a sudden your extremities look like a parkinson's patient with all the twitching and muscle jerking, its hard to explain why all of a sudden you feel as though your gonna throw up and nothing pre-emptd it. Its hard to explain that when more than one thing is happening around you that your brain can no longer process it all. It hard to explain that when you first get up from a sitting or lying position that it takes a minute for the leg tremors to stop and for the joint rigidity to let go so that you can take those first clumsy steps. I've been laying here tonight thinking of all the thorns that each of us carries that we wish God would remove and I'm even more convinced that Paul's had to be Lyme Disease (just kidding) but I'm also remembering Christ saying "My Grace is Sufficient for You." Time will heal my wounds, my soul may take longer as I've seem to lost that wonder woman attitude and now take each day with the good that I can gain from it. Lyme stinks...but what doesn't stink is a God that has never left my side and has carried me through on the days when I can't walk. Its the pastor friend that says I know you can't drive but I'm coming to get you cause I still need your opinion (that means so much, when you have lost so much of who you were prior). I wouldn't wish this on anyone but God has allowed this thorn and with this thorn I can either embrace its implications and use it for his Glory or I can succumb to its terrible fate. This was supposed to be posted to my personal blog but somehow i've got the church one and mine tied together. LYME BRAIN. I'll get it serperated out sorry for the inconveince.